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Night Vision in Dark Times

by Annie SewDev

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1.
Change 00:44
nothing is permanent my dear change is all we have embrace the uncertainty my dear and live while you can and through it all there is a love that will not die in a home with a door opened wide go inside you'll find a new piece of yourself
2.
Come Find Me 01:00
these gizmos these gadgets a new one every day these whozits these whatzits destruction in its wake you know i don't have the mind for it i know you don't have the heart for it as isolation sets in i become obsolete fade into the woodwork where i feel complete at the end of the day you'll be alone but not i, come find me in the groundhogs hole
3.
High Rock 01:15
the cloud shadows on the mountain range look like god spilled her coffee mug and graced the trees with shade all creatures drink it in before it floats away even the clouds move too fast for me these days up on the high rock i can see miles below the ragged winged vulture soars at my eye level there's blueberries clinging to the side of the cliff the bear scat tells me i am not the only one enjoying this i've been waiting for a day like today where the breeze comes and takes my breath away for once my thoughts grow still is this how the bear feels?
4.
i spent time with god today in the form of a fawn called maggot shes got spots on her fur, eyelashes ten feet long, and nibbling teeth off to a rough start with a chomp from the bobcat' she decided to live crooked head and all with no mother to guide her just instincts and humans who don't know anything and a dog who knows everything she says i'm gonna live free don't hold me i'm gonna live free you get to be next to me this moment is the only container i'm in
5.
there you on the shelf above the workbench in a urn given to those survived by you (he did survive you) and it's true what phil said, in the dust there's chunks of bone sneaking a gaze in i have a weird temptation to touch you when i was a little girl at my great grandma's funeral i wore a fancy black hat with a veil i asked my mom if i could touch the hand she said yes but when we got to the coffin, i practically ran i was scared, but i also wanted to stare at death and there you sit on the shelf above the workbench my awareness of you tugs at the hem of my shirt unceasingly never legally married makes you mother outlaw i talk with you more now and you make more sense somehow i guess they don't have vodka in the afterlife and there you sit on the shelf above the workbench i suppose a day will come when he'll set you free in the meantime, i can live with you while you collect dust upon your dust i will hear you i'll hear your smoker's laugh and your language crass i'll hear you yell at the dogs i'll hear you cry when your son leaves
6.
Renters 03:28
tearing down the curtain i'd made from old bedsheets it kept out the sunlight from my apothecary for 4 years we lived here never owners, just renters, but we made it our own you are good at making cold spaces feel like home while acknowledging the large oak stump on the side of the house a tree that no longer lives on the side of the house where i found reishi mushrooms we had a friend visit not too long ago he made the stump the site of his morning meditation as sirens roared up and down OBT because that's norm a couple of blocks from here is an ambulance posting i've spent many hours napping there up at the wawa where they hand out free coffee to those in uncomfortable uniforms one christmas morning you asked me to open the blind and much to my surprise hanging above the stump a new cedar bird feeder luring cardinals to me making me feel just a little more free for one long month i was gone on the other side of the world 30 hours of plane traveling and when i returned i learned what our house really smells like you never know 'les you've been gone awhile and i liked it very much like campfires, onions, aromatic plants, and such goodbye to this house the awful neighbors never knew they paid our waterbill goodbye to this house you were never ours but we made you our own
7.
Bump 00:45
the gel was cold on my boob, my lumpy boob the tech measured lymph on the screen that showed my armpit driving home i saw a sign that said "bump" bump in the road, bump in my chest there are things that go bump in the night driving home i saw a sign that said "bump"
8.
it's night, the lanterns shine bright in the house that we built it rains, we're amazed that we're dry the wind blows and the roof it stays no chord could express the joy i feel in our home and it's not because it's cute not because it's in the woods, by a mimosa tree not because of spring water it's because of you and our dog too years ago, homeless together we slept on the roof of that old atlanta milk factory underneath the snow moon we knew that life is precious, if you don't play it safe the more you try to secure it, the less it means something so i don't need much my dear i hope we get many many years i'll sit with you at the table we built and talk about anything no chord could express the joy i feel in our home and it's not because it's cute not because it's in the woods, by a mimosa tree not because of spring water it's because of you and our dog too
9.
3 Steps Back 01:57
i will give you space to be, i love how you see things one step back, i separate myself from you two steps back, i gain perspective three steps back, i can see you clearly and i can finally feel you near me a sycamore cannot grow in the shade of an oak so stand apart and grow tall cheer on as the seeds fall into the silent memory of god i will give you space to be, i love how you see things
10.
Roadkill 01:35
in this small corner of the world roads wind through the oldest mountains i find it quaint and comforting that when i drive past another car i'm expected to wave as if there's lots of time in the day the big trucks are intruding transporting internet, propane, and wood progress barrels on, bulldozing all that's good every week i nearly die as a semi truck on the other side of the road rounds a corner and hangs it's tail in my lane may it happen where there's a shoulder, this i pray i wouldn't be surprised if our souls joined with the deer who's meat is sustaining us this year victims of vehicular homicide i wonder who will utilize my hide
11.
for 13 days i had a smart phone it was the same price as a flip i thought it might be nice to send pictures or look at a map but for 13 days i felt like crap everyone said, "it's just what you gotta do" everyone said, "there's no going back" everyone said, "don't worry you'll get used to it" the voice in my head screamed i'm not okay with that it kept on asking me for more information consolidating in the what folks call a cloud i kept on wondering am i just paranoid? no one else seems alarmed everyone said, "it's just what you gotta do" everyone said, "there's no going back" everyone said, "don't worry you'll get used to it" the voice in my head screamed i'm not okay with that friends have been noticing their conversation topics showing up on a facebook feed marketing through phones listening seems it's just the beginning it shouldn't come as a surprise when we willingly scan our eyes oh if you've got nothing to hide everyone said, "it's just what you gotta do" everyone said, "there's no going back" everyone said, "don't worry you'll get used to it" the voice in my head screamed i'm not okay with that when i returned that devil i skipped out of the store i text my mom using T9 i wish i lived in a world where clouds are fluff in the sky and all the tony starks exist only in sci-fi
12.
the roads are filled with old stubborn patriarchs women white knuckled in the passenger seat they rather risk their lives than be the one to tell him he's done a silence learned very young grandma barbara's advice to my mom on her wedding day: "if you want something, you gotta make it his idea" if you say black, he'll say white if you say wrong, he'll say right if you agree with him, he'll change his mind and you'll lose your mind our families are filled with old stubborn patriarchs what will become of us when they're gone? will we memorialize them in falsities? will we forget where they went wrong? i would like you more without your pride
13.
Insomnia 01:09
the mimosa tree has gone to sleep leaves curled up to keep warm but my thoughts they won't go to sleep they stretch and they shift form count the stars count the sheep picture all the mountain peaks full of snoozing bear and salamander coyote stalks his prey tonight half moon sheds the perfect light not too dark and not too bright the conditions are just right thinking of you thinking of me thinking of lydia's bad week that door at work, i forgot to lock it who will see my mistake in the morning is that a wood thrush i hear? there's that wren singing his song so clear daylight comes with eyes still open
14.
Night Vision 00:38
i am strengthening the rods of my retina so i can see in the dark i am one with the dark move through the night of the new moon stars shine bright in the dark blue i see the shapes of the trees, the path in front of me with the rods of my retina, i don't need a flashlight to see

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released January 29, 2024

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Annie SewDev Hot Springs, North Carolina

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