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Orlando's Hot Breath

by Annie SewDev

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1.
you’ve got no time to waste it seems you’re very important you’ve got a lot to do all things that waste your time there’s no time to spend your wealth there’s no time to concentrate on your health there’s no time to see your friends they’re busy anyway and soon it will be the end are you satisfied yeah sure you’re gettin’ by but you buried your soul deep inside of you
2.
you said the breeze off lake adair feels like orlando’s hot breath on your neck you even wanted to compare so i exhaled my breath close to your neck you said yep, it’s just like that should we jump into a cold river, risk a hiding alligator hike along a path, watch for rattlesnakes taking a nap in the heat i don’t have much to say except maybe let’s find the shade dig a hole, hibernate and wait til winter comes you said the breeze off lake adair feels like orlando’s hot breath on your neck you even wanted to compare so i exhaled my breath close to your neck you said yep, it’s just like that
3.
down the railroad tracks, thru the hobo camps follow it to the woods, look for fresh tracks past the grapevine monsters and the elderberries try not to scare the ducks, be so very still and practice being human for a couple hours build a fort, watch out for snakes know that you have power to be free there’s not much that you need you have to go to work the next day i’m sorry that life has to be that way we work to live, somethings got to give down the railroad tracks, thru the hobo camps follow it to the woods, look for fresh tracks past the grapevine monsters and the elderberries try not to scare the ducks, be so very still and practice being human for a couple hours build a fort, watch out for snakes know that you have power to be free there’s not much that you need
4.
Not Above 02:43
we are not apart from the grass that grows we are not safe from the wind that blows we are not above we are upon the dirt to our dependency we must be alert attention stolen for things that don’t matter distractions of paychecks and bills all your time to benefit another is this what you wanted, do you feel filled perhaps depression is a sign you know something’s wrong tap into those feelings, what is it you long for look to the birds of the air look to the flowers of the field everything is moving too fast for you who needs sleep when you can have caffeine social lubrications turning to abuse who needs a life when you can watch a screen every intersection holds the remnants of a crash see your life flash before you in the shards of glass look to the birds of the air look to the flowers of the field at first this life didn’t seem so harmful but following the threads i learned the truth every option implicates another technology or life, what would you choose every interstate’s a graveyard for the furry ones born into car culture, forced to murder them look to the birds of the air look to the flowers before they disappear we are not apart from the grass that grows we are not safe from the wind that blows we are not above we are upon the dirt to our dependency we must be alert
5.
Tin Roof 02:14
i love when the rain falls down on our tin roof i can barely hear me, much less you i’m scared when the lightning strikes not far away but i’d rather go out like that than other ways and i don’t know what’s going to happen here and i don’t know how to get rid of this fear and i can’t stop thinking what will the world be like in 10 years when was the last time you had a real conversation without judgements or assumptions typed into machines and when was the last time you sat in pure silence with another, or just with yourself and everyday we are losing things creatures and skills we can’t get back again and i can’t stop thinking what was the world like way back when i love when the power disconnects in the storm it connects me to power i was given when i was born
6.
i woke to the shaking thought the worst and found everything you were laid waste to the ground i thought you could hold out i thought you’d see it through you made us feel many miles away it’s what we needed it’s what you gave to us a way of sobriety in a world fucked up truly a light in this world of darkness signposts i have not forgotten now the kids must reach farther to realize hope to god they can survive this
7.
Transport 01:48
i picked you up for a 30 minute drive to the psych ward the patch on my shoulder says i am important and you have to do what i say the uniform says do what i say the baker act says do what i say a grown up man you are crying say you weren’t trying to kill yourself only trying to kill the pain of existing you can’t pay your rent, your friends are on drugs your family’s across the world and they are suffering and the jobs you work are mind numbing in order to work them we must numb your mind with anti-depressants for your chemical imbalance but you are not imbalanced, you are sane in an insane world i picked you up for a 30 minute drive to the psych ward and if you aren’t crazy, well soon you surely will be you said i asked more questions than the doctor ever did and i seemed to care more yet i am only your transport and i have no say in what happens to you but i can give you the code for the back door to slip out of the psych ward
8.
deep in the forest, i made a vow to always, always live in the now to say hello to the flowers that grow and know this is my home i know this is my home no pie in the sky with whipped cream on top but i can find cherries in the tree tops black berry brambles and squirrels that ramble this ain’t a bad place to call home this ain’t a bad place to call home but i’m finding it hard to keep my vow the concrete’s a plenty, the cities are loud they’re begging me to make plans for my death and this is what they call life well this is not what i call life the forest she forgives me i’ve strayed more times that a hive has bees sweet honey’s flowin’, there’s food a growin’ i know this is my home i know this is my home deep in the forest, i made a vow to always, always live in the now to say hello to the flowers that grow and know this is my home i know this is my home
9.
i love the sorrow of your changing face i love the depth and presence within you you never hide from truth you never water it down thick as it is, paint the paste upon your skin let it guide you let the information seep through it into your bones into your soul, into your changing face
10.
i met you in the wilderness where you were pure and free i met you in the wilderness and took you home with me i took you from the wilderness and tamed you as my own i took you from the wilderness and made a prison cell your home oh where to go from here we gaze on the wilderness with so much fear and if i let you go you might die but it’s better friend than never being alive i left you in the wilderness where you were pure and free i left you in the wilderness and went home hands empty
11.
you’re watching the world through a screen there’s always something in between you and what’s happening direct experience is hard to find technology, symbols, and signs telling us what to think, what to buy, and how to comb our hair what to drink, when to lie, numb our senses so we don’t care we’ll watch the pavement grow we’ll watch it on a screen, watch the world die the headlines will tell us it’s all fine the system is at work, in our defense against the earth if we’ll watch the pavement grow some say it’s neutral they say it’s how you use it i say that’s bullshit this technology exists to serve the rich and keep down the poor, keep us distracted and uninformed so we’ll watch the pavement grow we’ll watch it on our phones
12.
i am so sick and tired of people treatin’ other people badly because they think they are above them it’s in our history, it’s in our foundation it’s in the air we breathe, most obvious in poverty it’s in the hospitals, the prison, and the church it’s in our neighborhoods, our friendships, and our work i expect it in some places but i’m disappointed when i see it in safe spaces it seems in every scene there’s titles to gain spoken or unspoken, there is fame we climb the ladder like it’s a game i am so sick and tired of people treatin’ other people badly because they think they are above them maybe its the cops, maybe its the herbalists maybe its the punks, there’s so much entitlement i’m not sayin’ it’s all equal some are worse by definition but if we’re looking like them, what does that say i am so sick and tired of people treatin’ other people badly because they think they are above them i know your baggage is heavy i know because mine is heavy i know your baggage is heavy i am so sick and tired
13.
Acquaintance 01:13
you’ll never be more than an acquaintance because i won’t mediate with a substance what if all you had were sober words i know you’ve been taught to lean on the drink in your hand i know you’ve been taught to lean on the smoke in your lungs it’s no excuse to be unaccountable it’s no excuse for your blurred sense of boundaries it’s no excuse for coerced relations it’s no excuse for your apathy you’re no longer a threat to those who enslave you just to the ones who love you you’ll never be more than an acquaintance because i won’t mediate with a substance what if all you had were sober words
14.
Long Road 02:24
my dear it seems we’re traveling a long long road miles yet from finding our home we headed with our packs of sorrow asking god for time to borrow as we search, as we thirst for you my friend think back to when we met awhile ago our minds were young, our hearts were oh so full when all went wrong we wrote our vows in the early morning hours as we search, as we thirst for you my love it seems the road ahead is not so smooth the concrete’s cracking, the flowers are breaking through continue on with packs of sorrow for yesterday and for tomorrow as we search, as we thirst for you we set off with our packs on foot and we told them that we were put here to learn how to love they begged us please don’t go that way for surely there’d be hell to pay but we knew we’d find you there when all is said and done will you feel good about it when all is said and done make sure you feel good about it feel good about what you’ve done
15.
Solidago 00:42
solidago flowers they are yellow, they are bright present in the autumn time, when dying is in sight leaves turn brown, fall to the ground yellow flowers they are all around to remind us of the brightness we’ve left behind to remind us of the brightness that lies ahead

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released April 19, 2017

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Annie SewDev Hot Springs, North Carolina

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